Dear Dad...

Dear Dad,

I know your looking down on us, and that you know i miss you. Its new years eve, and well i just wanted to write to you. I was talking with Adele the other day about old christmases and memories. How she'd had an automatic response to opening presents. Every time she ripped the paper off she'd say "just what i always wanted". Even if she didnt know what it was. Christmas is the worst time of year for me. Its a time for love and family and friends. Not that the rest of the year isnt. Its just greatly exagerated and emphasised. The last christmas we had with you wasnt a happy one. For reasons i wont go in to here. I know the reasons may look clear. But now looking back i realise how much pain you must have been in. That tears me up inside. I wish i could have done more for you. I wish you were still here. Sometimes i think ive forgotton what your voice sounds like. When im upset and wish i could just hug my dad. It hurts because your not here. I dont have blame for that. Its not your fault your not here. Its just the way things had to be. I'm happy that your not in pain anymore, and that your happy. I've never told anyone this but, the night you died i didnt give you a hug and tell you i loved you because i was in a bad mood. That tortures me inside. I never got to tell you i love you. Although im sure you know that i do. Dad your my hero. I love you and i miss you. I hope you and Gary are happy. Happy New Year my dear Dad and Brother. Your both loved and remembered everyday!

Your loving Daughter always, Leanne xxxxx

My Dad. R.I.P

Me and my dad!

P.S. Unfortunatly I have no photos of my brother.

Marilyn Monroe

Here is the quote that sums everything up for me.

"I believe everything happens for a reason.

People change so that you learn to let go.

Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when there right.

You believe less so eventually you trust no one but yourself.

And sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

- Marilyn Monroe

Leanne x

The Fabolous Linda Green

I wanted to blog about this book, 10 Reasons Not To Fall In Love by Linda Green, purely because i found it to one of the best books i have ever read. Its funny and believable. I loved the characters. The Dan character.. oh my goodness... dreeaaammyy! Linda Green is a litery genius. I cant wait to read her other book, I Did A Bad Thing. I'd recomend 10 Reasons to anyone and everyone. If you havent read it then you can down load the first chapter of her book on her website. Which is: www.linda-green.com.

The book is dark and true. I could identify with the main character "Jo". With her dealing with her ex which, as she returns to work after maternity leave is her new boss. In the book Jo deals with trust issues when it comes to men. Something i could relate to. Of course no road to love is straigh forward. The mistakes, misunderstandings and accusations are enough to end any relationship. The twist in the story keep you gripped. I was unable to put this book down. Seriously... if you havent read the book give it a go, you wont be disapointed!!

Linda Green - 10 Reasons Not To Fall In Love!

Leanne x

Happy New Year to you

Hello to you, the reader. I hope you have had a wonderful christmas and that Santa has brought you all you wished for. I havent blogged for a while, so i thought i would get one going on now. I was given a diary for christmas, and i never normally keep a diary. Not for the lack of trying. I just forget to write in it and then when i come to remember to write in it, i cant remember whats been happening. I'm quite useless really. But as i was saying, my aunt gave me a diary, not a posh smart one, just a bog standard diary. So far so good.

There are a few things i've decided to do this year. (2010). There not new years resolutions, but just things that i am going to try and do. Things like;

1. 
   
   Believe in myself more.
   
   
   
2. 
   
   Try to worry less and live more.
   
   
   
3. 
   
   Try to be more generous. Charity work etc.
   
4. Blood donation. First appointment is on the 11th Jan 2010!
   
   
   

You know the sort of things. The things that on my part only need time and a bit of effort. Its a good feeling knowing you've helped someone and wanting nothing in return.

I'm hoping 2010 is going to be the back drop to bigger and better things for me. 2009 hasnt been a walk in the park, so many disapointments, fallings outs, and in general bad karma.

So to you dear reader, have a wonderful night, and a very happy new year!

Leanne x

Katie; November 07 2009

I was just on one of my blogs... I dont use it anymore so dont worry your not missing much. Anyway I found a post of mine that I would like to share. I wrote it on November 07 2009. Here it is:

"I was just chilling watching top gear when I suddenly realised that I hadnt blogged in a while. Lately there have been a few things on my mind. Like friendship and basic human nature. And also channel 4's Katie; my beautiful face. I'm at a loss for words about that. Katie is beautiful, the guys that did that to her are scum. I personally think life in prison should mean life in prison and not 16 years.. that isnt life! She's a strong woman and I have so much respect for her! I cant imagen what it was like to be her. Or dealing with all the emotions that come along with an ordeal like she has been through. Amazing and inspiring!

Ok, friendship... now let me just say 3 weeks ago I "cut" away dead weight. In other words I said goodbye to someone I considered a good friend. Basically because I felt used and unapreciated and when confronted with this she wasnt botherd, soild proof to me that she was using me to gain her own ends. So what is friendship? What does it mean? What do u expect from a friend? Im not sure anymore. I make it a point to help my friends when ever I can. Im there for my friends when they need to talk things through. And I tell them the truth, even if the truth hurts. Isnt that what a true friend does? Tells you the truth and not what you want to hear. I mean if I put on a top that didnt suit me and asked a friend what she thought, if she said it looked nice and I found out it didnt id be vexed at her for lying to me.

Plus no one likes to be lied to. I always think that the worst thing about being lied to is that you just simply werent worth the truth. Problem is there are so many dishonest people and so many people who use others. As each day goes by i think the world gets worse and worse. Less of humanity and more of animal instinct. You know, dog eat dog. Only youth killing youths. It seems like the only time violence will end is when the last human dies. I think we all forgot that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Or maybe its because of the lack of vision that we simply cant see what were doing to each other.

An eye for an eye... is the world doomed?"

So there it is guys! In relation to the friendship issue I;ve already blogged about it fully. See the earlier blog called 'Friend or Foe'.

Leanne x

My annoyance

Last night i was on facebook when I noticed a status which read "Put this on your status if you know someone who has or has had cancer. I wish for a cure of cancer. 93% wont copy and paste this.. will you?".

To which i put mine as "isnt in the mood and is likely to pick fights with stupid **** like chain statuses... just saying you know someone who died from something doesnt mean that because you put that there their going find a cure! Fact! Just like the fact, if you click your fingers a child in africa wont die... got it? Good!"

This is one of the things that really annoys me. Wishing for a cure of cancer isnt going to help find a cure. Expressing support for someone with cancer is one thing but chain statuses like those mean nothing. Its just words, none personal dribble. What is this wishing for a cure? I want a cure for cancer, but wishing for one isnt going to help. Pure fact!

I know a handful of people who have died from cancer, my dad and aunt are two of them. I also know a few people who have had cancer. So dont see this as im ragging on cancer supporters because im not. Im simply saying that to wish for a cure is useless. Do something about it, like hold a carboot sale and donate the proceedes to cancer research or to a specialised cancer hospital for equipment. There are alot of ways these so called "supporters" could do something to help towards a cure, and yet they choose words not actions. I was once told actions speek louder than words.

Rest in peace Dad & Aunty Margerate!

Aloha au iaoe, a hui hou!

Aloha all of my ohana!

Leanne x

The Sims 3 - Personal Review

I thought I would take ten minutes to review the Pc game, The Sims 3 (TS3). Anyone who doesnt know, TS3 is a stratergy game where you can create Sims (humanoids), dress them, make homes for them and basically play god. You make their every wish come true or make them cheat with every other sim in town. 

The new Sims 3 is an amazing development, not that im bias or anything. But I loved the new Sims 3, although the personality traits do get a little boring when there is a limited amout of combinations you can use. Aswell as the furniture packs, there arent many to choose from and the designs are good but limited. Over all there are limitations to the game but even with those mentioned, the game is still a winner. I cant wait to try out the brand new SIms 3 World Adventures extension pack!

Hopefully the new extension pack will add more personality traits, designs, furniture packs and maybe even jobs. I havent looked at the specifications of play for the new extension pack yet, will hopefully buy it soon and "review it" haha! Anyway if you havent played the new-ish Sims 3 then give it a try. You may find you love it as much as me! Its sim-tastic!

Man & Woman Cuddling

Over emotional Sims watching a Scary movie

An over look of the town that comes with the game - you can down load another when you register you game pack, and even create your own towns!

Happy gaming all!

Leanne x

Cancer

My dad and Aunt died of cancer. And I want to share this with you all out there. If you know someone who has or has had cancer then this is for you. If you have cancer this is for you also, and let me wish you a healthy recovery and a long and happy future.

Cancer is so limited that:

It cannot cripple love

It cannot shatter hope

It cannot corrode faith

It cannot destroy peace

It cannot kill friendship

It cannot suppress memories

It cannot silence courage

It cannot invade the soul

It cannot steal eternal life

It cannot conquer the spirit

I also want to share this serenity prayer with you too, something I live by these days:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference

God bless and Good luck!

Leanne x

Friend or Foe

Recently I lost a "good" friendship and it got me thinking. This friendship in question, well, we had been friends since we were about 9 years old (21 now). But for the past year I felt she only called me when she wanted something, I felt unapreciated in anything I did for her and I felt second best. I think im worth more than that. I told her how I felt after one of the many times she let me down, truth be told she let my sister and her son down not me as she was going to my sisters to see Nate, my nephew and didnt show or answer her phone when we called. But anyway, I told her how I felt and she responded with "grow up".

To which i replied, that if she one day soon found out that she valued our friendship or actually cared to text me and let me know. To be honest with you all, She had a baby in October 2008. She had to move away from buxton to a village about 10 minutes away. I helped her move there and decorate! I went down to see her when ever I could. I stayed with her over night when she was feeling lonely or a little low. I was there for her when no one else wanted to be, and what did I want in return? Maybe a thankyou, or even a phone call once in a while to ask how im doing for a change. Or even an invite on a night out. But none of that happened even when she moved back to Buxton. To a flat where, once again I helped her move, I helped her decorate! She did call me once though, to baby sit so she could go out.

Is it so much to ask for a "how are you?" or even "Do you fancy a dvd night?". It seems so.

Leanne x

The Georgous Dawn French

 

I personally love Dawn French! I think she is a brilliant comedy genius! I think I am like her in some ways. In others not so much. The thing I love about Dawn is her humour. And the fact that she is a bigger woman who loves life! She has her own clothing label for bigger ladies. Of course when you say Dawn French people think or The Vicar of Dibley (one of my all time favourite tv series - I love it that much I have the complete works of the show), French and Saunders, Jam in Jerusalem, and many more.

 

Dawn is the ultimate in fabolous. An amazing lady and one of my idols!

 

Two of my favourite Dawn quotes:

• I am not, I repeat, NOT a lesbian - even though I'd like to be one when I grow up.
• I keep my own personality in a cupboard under the stairs at home so that no one else can see it or nick it.

I read Dawn's biography last year and i was captivated by her. Dear Fatty is an amazing insight. I liked learning about her and her family and their past. I loved her stories and thought she had recalled some warm and tender moments with her dad that, lets be frank, made me wheep like a little girl. God bless Dawn French and may she carry on for many, many years!

 

Leanne x

Lady Baby

About two weeks ago now, one of our family dogs was saddly put to sleep. She was very old, and in the last two months of her life she has lost alot of weight and went blind due to diabetes. In her last 24 hours she struggled to walk and stand. She lost interest in eating. All she wanted to do was lay down. We wernt sure if se would make it through the night. She did, although unfortunatly when my mum went to check on her at 7am, she was convulsing. Due to that she could have had brain damage. There was no chance of recovery for her and the best thing to do was to put her to sleep.

Lady will be missed. She was a happy dog with big brown eyes who was always there when you were feeling down. She'd lay with you and knew if you wernt feeling well. Lady we love you Rest in peace baby.

Most Haunted Live April 2010

For those who dont know, Most Haunted is a UK television programe that is shown around the world and is a cult hit! A team of investigators travel to some of the worlds most rumoured haunted places and carry out investigations! This years halloween special (2009 The Eight Faces Of Evil) was carried out in Morecambe Winter Gardens and buildings in the surrounding area. (Visit the website at: http://www.livingtv.co.uk/shows/mosthauntedlive09/) 
The team was as follows;

• Yevette Feilding - Presenter/Investigator
• Karl Beetie - Director/Producer/Camera/Investigator
• Paul Ross - Host
• Chris Conway - Medium
• Billy Roberts - Medium
• Dr John Callow - Historian
• Dr Ciaran O'Keeffe - Parapsychologist
• Stuart Torevell - Rigger/camera/Investigator
• Cath Howe - Make up/Investigator
• Julian Clegg - Interactive host
• Brian Shepherd - Psychic artist
• Fred Batt - Demonologist
• Matt Chance - Sound/Investigator
• Simon Lucas - Camera/Investigator

In April 2010 the Most Haunted Live team are coming to Buxton, Derbyshire! And I have front row centre isle tickets!! I cant tell you how excited I am! I'm counting the days.. today its 146 days until Most Haunted live! I'm not sure if this is going to be a televised Most Haunted live or weather its just part of a tour to bring the nation together and give them the chance to take part in a paranormal investigation! Which ever it is, I cant wait! I want it here NOW! I'm like a spolit child at christmas.
I am a true believer of the paranormal, and would love to go on investigations. I'd love to become part of the Most Haunted team but that is never going to happen! By the way can I just say Matt Chance.. Yummy!! And of course Simon is yummy too! Where was I? Oh yes, a believer in the paranormal. The best Most Haunted Live for me was Denbigh Asylum in Wales (Village of the Damned). I enjoyed that so much and had alot of paranormal activity at home. Such as freezing cold spots even though I had a hoody on and the central heating. Goose bumps. Whispers. And at one point I found my bedroom light on even though I was the only one in the house and hadnt been up stairs since lunch time!
So on the 22nd April 2010 Most Haunted is at Buxton Opera House! Get your tickets while you can! Yipie!
Leanne x

An Insight To My Insanity!

I will be the first to say that I have moments of insanity.. such as ten minutes ago I had this conversation with a friend:

Me: A zoo with penguins dressed up as pirates on a huge pirate ship waddling around going, "Arr me harty!" and "Shiver me timbers!"

Kerry: Have you been drinking?

Me: Nope lol it was a dream I had :0D

Kerry: I want to live in your head! Can I?

Me: Theres not much space in there what with the insanity and penguins! Not to forget the man eating lions with fluffy party hats and old english accents!

So there you have it! I am officially insane! But I dont suffer from insanity... i enjoy every minute of it!

OMG! I just found a totally cool picture! This proves that penguin pirate are real! And there going to take over the earth! Run for your liveeeeeeeeeeees! Okay, okay.. walk quickly!

Leanne x

Early Festivities!

I know a few people who have already put their xmas decs up! To answer your question; yes, I am surrounded by crazy people! Why now? Its November.. maybe these people didn't get the memo?? I'd personally get sick of them by the 15th of December. My date for putting up the decs! Although tonight I have had to fight the urge to put the decs up! The result of watching christmas movies! So insted I decided to eat a chocolate santa and watch some more tv. I might put the decs up a little earlier this year. Around the 5th. But I am a Scrooge! Cant help it, its rare that I enjoy christmas. But I guess im sort of looking toward somethings this christmas. I havent a clue why though! So if your putting your christmas decs up today or very soon (not december) i hope you enjoy them you crazy crazy person!

Leanne x

A Red, Red Rose

A Red, Red Rose By Robert Burns

"My love is like a red, red rose

That's newly sprung in June:

My love is like the melody

That's sweetly played in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,

So deep in love am I:

And I will love thee still, my dear,

Till a' the seas gang dry.

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear

And the rocks melt wi' the sun:

And I will love thee still, my dear,

While the sands o' life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only love,

And fare thee weel a while!

And I will come again, my love,

Thou' it were ten thousand mile."

This poem is one of my all time favourites! If a guy wanted me to go weak at the knees he should probably recite or even write a poem like this! I'm not a romantic person but this poem is lovely. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed sharing it with you!

Leanne x

Here and Now!

I feel like doing a blog soooo here it is! I'm probably one of the people who goes "nobody reads this stuff" but hey i write my blogs because it an escape of feelings. Its how i get all my thoughts together and decide whats important and what isnt! Which brings me to the point of this blog.. what is important in my life right now? Alot of things really, from the whole needing a job issue to the fact i love my nephew!

A month or so ago we had a scare with my nephew and his health. As i have said in other blogs, i have suffered from depression for many years. Over the past year i've worked to combat my depression and my nephew played a big part in that. Hes one of the very few things that makes me happy. The other day he was running around with out a nappy on having "free time". My dog was on the floor just laying there. He fell over near her head, stood up and told us she licked his bum. Then he bent over and slowly backed towards her saying, "Lick! Bum! Lick!". Neadless to say i fell over laughing! He coppied me and fell over pretending to laugh. One of the many funny things hes done.

Familys so imporatant. I dont understand these people who say they want to see their relatives but just dont get round to it. Lifes to short not to love, and to not let the people you love know. Too short to dwell on stupid little things, or to just enjoy the moment. I know for a fact in the past i've held back because of being scared to be myself or scared of rejection or failure. Scared to the best i can be. Lately i've been trying to just go for it, but its not as easy to put in to practice as it is to say. It's a hard thing to put your trust in to other people, but its just as hard to trust yourself. Sounds stupid i know, but seriously think about it! Strange, huh?

Its only November but i've already made promises to myself, im not typing them here, yet atleast. Maybe in the new year i will unveil my plans. For now though my blogging session is over. So peace and love to you, stay safe and live life to the full

Leanne x

Tonight Lyrics

I wrote this in memory of the people i've lost, such as my dad, gran, brother etc. And I hope it makes you think of the people who you've lost.

(V)
I know I aint done you proud but im trying my best
I know in this life it seems like im blessed
But you dont know the stress inside this chest
Or the feelings I hold man im so depressed
Im trying to be strong but im pushin the wall
Theres no one round to catch me when I fall
Doing what you told me ima hold my head up tall
But when times get hard who do I call
Who do I talk to when the nights get lonely

And my mind skits when I think if only
You were here today would things be different
Would I smile the same would I feel the torment
Would we be happy would things feel the same
Would I still be the one who holds all the blame

(H)
If I could have just one more night
I know things would be alright
No more worries no more fights
It would be just me and you tonight

(V)
When I think of you my eyes begin to tear
Not being able to see you is a fact I cant bare
And I look at your picture man this is so unfair
So I close my eyes and say a lil prayer
I know your close and that your never really gone
But when you died I just wanted to run
And never look back the pain was too much
Reaching out my hand but theres nothin to touch
You were the one I looked on and admired
To be like you someday I really aspired
You taught me things I never would have known
And because of you my heart has grown
I owe you so much how can I repay the debt
All the things you were I'll never forget

(H)
If I could have just one more night
I know things would be alright
No more worries no more fights
It would be just me and you tonight

(V)
Remembering all the times we spent together
Laughing and crying what ever the weather
The comfort we had coz we made it through
Back then I couldnt imagen me without you
But now I have to I dont have a choice
Every single day I wish I could hear your voice
Calling my name and laughing out loud
Man I just wish I could tell you im so proud
Proud to say I knew you I hold you dear
No matter where you are, how far or near
Your in my heart and thats a special space
Because no one could ever take your place
As time goes on through all of the days
Just know i'll be remembering you always

(H)
If I could have just one more night
I know things would be alright
No more worries no more fights
It would be just me and you tonight

Leanne x

Rip Luke Roberts - Only Blood Can Seperate lyrics

This was co wrote by Tafkal and myself... Tafkals bestfriend who died and well tribute to him is this song. you can hear it on www.mspace.com/thisistafkal

R.I.P LUKE ROBERTS

(V)
Died at eight yrs old that aint how it was suppost to be
Forteen years on and im wishin u were here with me
I couldnt belive it wen they said u had died
I went to bed that nite, i sat and i cried
Next mornin i woke like it was all a bad dream
Buts its reality tearin my heart at the seams
I could never grasp it n my brains withdrawn
I sit n reminise i still cant belive ur gone
Life wernt easy but we had each other
Blood was different but u were my brother
My heart misses a beat n i get cold shivers
I askd mum is luke really dead n it finally delievers
On ur birthday n xmas its a tradgedy i shed tears
Forteen lost birthdays bruv i missed the years
I hope ur sat listenin 2 this bruv coz i miss u like mad
I remember the good times, i smile but im sad

Hook
Your my brother from another mother
Only blood seperates us from bein brothers

(V)
Man as im sat here writin this my eyes begin 2 flood
You were closer than a bother u were like my blood
N as i sit here looking at ur picture my heart bleeds
U reap wot u sow and im not talkin about the seeds
I just have to live life like you would have wanted me to
Live up to my own expectaitions while stayin true
Some nights i cnt sleep coz im thinkin of u n me
Of how things are and how they should be
I shudnt have to be writin this rite now u shud b here
I ask myself why did you have to die as i shed a tear
My insides burn with pain each n every day
Bruv you made me see life in a different way
I have set up a record label dedicated to you
So where ever i go it'll always be us 2
Brother my love for you will never cease
Luke robins, my brother i miss u rest in peace

Tafkal & Leanne x

Inside my depression

Ok, so blogging again.. I am in Facebook Bingo with some brilliant ladies, and someone mentioned suicide and i know i've blogged a poem about suicide. But tonight it got me thinking. I have been depressed since i was 13. And i just had to think of these young people who feel they cant cope with life. I've thought about suicide before but I wouldnt have the guts to do it. Is that cowardly or brave? I'm not quite sure.

Maybe i could explain why ive been depressed, and still am. When i was 13 I watch my dad, who i loved, and still do. Fight his third and final battle against cancer. I could describ what it was like. But that wouldnt help much here, its more of what my dad meant to me. I was close to my dad. I could talk to him about virtually anything. We used to play football together, And i know this sounds stupid but the night he died, i went to bed earlier and didnt say goodnight to him or tell him that i love him. And i know he knows i love him. But thats something that tourtered me for so many years.

I lived alot of time in my head and i felt like i had to strong for m mum and sister. Kind of like the rock of the family. But i realised i had to deal with it. So thats what i've been trying to do. And there have been times when i've been so low that i've felt like if i was dead everyone would be better off. But i've never acted on it. So its just, these people that feel they cant cope, i understand what there going through. Sort of. But the people who have the strength to push on with life, to lift their heads up, keep fighting because you dont fail until you give up trying. And those who had to end the pain and tourment, God bless you.

Leanne x

The Gift

Hey!

I just thought I would take a moment out to explain why my blog is called "The Gift". Basically it comes from the saying "Every day is a gift, thats why its called the present". I called my blog the gift because every day I get to write something I care about is a gift to me. I am greatful for new day that begins and ends, especially the ones which I get to share with the people I love, and every day I spent with the people I love who are no longer with me in person were also a gift.

Leanne x

Insperational Quotes

Through the hard times in life you should always try to remember the good things in life. Here are a few of my favourite quotes:

• Though you may be under a dark tree, always look for the light shining through the branches
• Trials give you strength, sorrows give understanding and wisdom (Chuck T. Falcon)
• Fall seven times, stand up eight (Japanese proverb)
• The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing (Albert Einstein)
• Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes like meaningful (Joshua J. Marine)
• Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to row beyond what you were (Cherie Carter-Scott)
• A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart (Johann Wolfgang Gorthe, from "Faust")
• No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor Roosevelt)
• Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy (Anne Frank)
• We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools (Martin Luther King, Jr.)
• It is in the shelter of each other that the people live (Irish proverb)
• Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. (Carol Burnett)
• There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered (Nelson Mandela)
• If you dont like something, change it; if you cant change it, change the way you think about it (Mary Engelbreit)
• You must be the change you wish to see in the world (Mahatma Gandhi)
• In order to accept change and the suffering it brings, we need to find meaning in it ( Mary Norton Gordon)
• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (Lao Tse)
• Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed. (Storm Jameson)
• The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life (Richard Bach)
• The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him abdolutelt no good (Ann Landers)
• You havent failed until you quit trying
• Take the first step in faith. You dont have to see the whole stair case, just take the first step (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.)
• As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others (Nelson Mandela)
• A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out (Walter Winchell
• If you can not feed a hundered people, then just feed one (mother Teresa)

Leanne x

Ready For Love (poem)

For so log now I thort I didnt deserve you
And after soul searching I know that aint true
Because you were the one who couldnt handle it
Ann you didnt even try to you just got up and split
Dont get me wrong because I dont blame you
Honestly I didnt expect you to stick around roo
Even though I thought you might have understood
after all you know the ties and bonds of blood
And the pains of death left on the heart
Maybe you didnt see mine was torn apart
Not by you roo but by my own childhood
No excuses id apologise to you if I could
Although what difference would it make
But I promise you I'm sorry for my mistake

I told the truth but I made all the excuses
Tried to justiry it to cover the bruises
But no matter what I know I was wrong
And that why I'm sat writing this song
So the world will know I did something bad
And telling you the truth must have made you mad
How could you stand to look at me or say my name
I know what you think but it wasnt a game
My feelings were true about that I never lied
After it was over every night I cried
I wasnt ready to say goodbye to you roo
But that choice wasnt mine it was all on you
So I tried to move on but I was still in your debt
And I know God hasnt punished my sins yet

Leanne x

Second Chances (poem)

There are no second chances when it comes to romances

She spent all her time locked in her own mind
She wouldnt leave it too scared of what she might find
Because there she could fanticise about the guy she loves
But what will happen when the pushes turn to shoves
Will she face it full on or will she turn out the light
Because she knows no ones there to hold her at night
She cant feel no more pain the sorrows too deep
She cries in to her pillow at nite unable to sleep
Knowing he doesnt feel the same but she cant let go
And she walks alone cold and vunerable in the snow
Just a glistening tear that runs down her cheek
Because without him by her side she feels to weak
She cant carry on the sun no longer shines on her
And the days seem to pass by slowly but its all a blur
She doesnt hear the birds sing or feel the wind blow
She doesnt even hear when people utter a hello

Leanne x

Days like this (poem)

Its days like this it all just comes to the end
Suicide it seems has become the new trend
What ever happened to playin pretend
Because in the end somebody loses their best friend
And theres no going back once your dead its over
And there will always be someone stood saying I told ya
But you didnt listen you thought you knew what was best
And now people are crying as they lay you to rest
Your dads a broken man and your mums asking why
They never even got a chance to say good bye
Because you thought no one cared and nobody loved you
You let your thoughts decay and then they grew
But now at your funeral you know its untrue
Because these people are here mourning you
A young life lost because it was lost in translation
This is whats beginning to happen to this nation
Because we dont know how to communicate
And we dont even relaise it until its too late
But theres no going back its just a lesson learned
And in a years time the page still wont have been turned
Because no one seems to get it no one has a clue
About what these young kids are prepared to do
They need to be heard they need a listening ear
They need you to shut up so you can finally hear
All the pain in their hearts and the voices in thier heads
As they lay themselves down at night in thier beds
But the worlds to busy fighting wars with each other
When will we realise and stop killing one another
And listen to the youth because now its clear
That the truth is what we all need to hear

Leanne x

Hoodys Asbos and murder

Ok I just want to take a moment here and talk about some things that have been happening locally. Violece people. What the f*ck? I mean yike, how fucked up would a person have to be to get in an arguement with their neighbour then decided to hold them at gun point? Are we no better than animals? Killing each other over petty shit that dont even matter? And let me, for a moment, touch upon all this hoody stuff. Correct me if I am wrong but saying someone wearing a hoody is out to cause trouble, isnt that discrimination? A fact in which we in the united kingdom pride ourselves on for not condoning? So tell me why, when I walk down the street with my hoody on, why do people (mainly elder) avoid me to the extent that they walk as far away as possible? Isnt the ages suppost to be intelligent, or is it that the years roll by that we as a nation are becoming blind by the past? To such a point that we can not see a safe future.

Now I do understand about the fear of youths in big groups. And yes there needs to be harder punishments for youths... asbos? Thats a joke! An asbo now is like a fashion statement. I heard on the news the other day that a three year old BABY was named a thief for taking a penny sweet. What has this country come to? Why dont you go the whole hog and slap an asbo on this little baby aswel! Its rediculous, at three years old babies are still learning betwen right and wrong, to name that baby a thief would be wrog and injust.

Now do you remember Garry Newlove? The 44 year old man who was kicked and punched to death by youthes outside his own home. Lets see, three youthes got life in prison with a minimum of 17 years. Now the kids were 17, 16, and 19 years of age. So lets do the math... 17+17=34. 16+17=33. 19+17=36. Now answer me this... why is it that three people who killed someone can get out of prison in their mid 30's to live thier lives like you and me? When they took someone elses away? Shouldnt they serve the maximum sentance for their crime? If it was my dad I would want them in perison for life. Even if the prison system is soft. But personally I think Britian needs to shape up.

Also I have to ask myself where the parents of these three youths were? Did they not teach their kids that behaviour like that isnt right? I think the legal system should look at the parents aswell as the teens. When I was growing up I was told to fight back if I had to. So if a kid hit me it was ok to protect myself by hitting back. But never in my nightmares did I imagen that I would or would kill someone, it wasnt something that came to mind. But as it seems times have changed and teens who are nothing more than children are killing people. Do i need to remind you of Reece Jones? An 11 year old walking home from football practice shot dead. Now I saw the images on the news. The kid on the bike couldnt have been older than 16. Where the hell did a 16 year old CHILD get a gun from? Who in their right minds would give or give access for a 16 year old to a gun? Was it the kids parents? An aunt or an uncle? Who? Shouldnt this person also be punished?

Now in January 2008 there were 11 murders. In Febuary there were 8 murders. Now these are only the ones that have been marked as murder. I dont think this counts for man-slaughter? If anyone knows if that figure does count for man-slaughter please let me know. But anyway, 19 murders in two months, that just, I'm god smacked! Seriously, gang culture needs to be stopped, the youths who carry knives, and guns and other weapons need to be dealt with when they are caught with these on them. Its plainly obvious that a slap on the wrist isnt working, therefore harder punishments should be handed out, even if it does cost the legal system more money.

Believe it or not but we are capable of things we would never even think about in our wildest dreams or nightmares. But as human beings we have the choice between right and wrong. It isnt actions that define us but our choices. As long as you can look yourself in the eye and say I made the right choice there, then isnt that what matters most?

Leanne x

Cruelty Vs Love and Compassion

Some one once said: "It's not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys. Sinners can suprise you and the same is true for saints. Why do we try to define people as simply good or evil? Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart. And that anyone is capable of anything." Which is true, I remember one particular English Literature class that stuck in my brain. It was a poem by Chinua Achebe called Vultures. This is the poem:

"In the greyness and drizzle of one despondent

dawn unstirred by harbingers of sunbreak a vulture

perching high on broken bone of a dead tree

nestled close to his mate his smooth

bashed- in head, a pebble on a stem rooted in

a dump of gross feathers, inclinded affectionately

to hers. Yesterday they picked the eyes of a swollen

corpse in a water-logged

trench and ate the things in its bowel. Full

gorged they chose their roost

keeping the hollowed remnant

in easy range of cold

telescopic eyes...

Strange indeed how love in other

ways so particular

will pick a corner

in that charnel-house

tidy it and coil up there, perhaps

even fall asleep - her face

turned to the wall!

Thus the commandant at belsen

camp going home for

the day with fumes of

human roast clinging

rebelliously to his hairy

nostrils will stop

at the wayside sweet-shop

and pick up a chocolate

for his tender offspring

waiting at home for daddy's return

Praise bounteous

providence if you will

that grants even an ogre

a tiny glow-worm

tenderness encapsulated

in icy caverns of a cruel

heart or else despair

for in every germ

of that kindred love is

lodged the perpetuity

of evil"

The section in bold is what stuck to my memory. You see the commandant was a Nazi soilder, who spent all day gassing innocent men, women and children in the gas chambers of a concentration camp, but on his way home he'd stop and pick up a bar of chocolate for his child. Now thats good and evil living side by side in one person. Which brings me to believe that no one person is purely evil. Even if their soul is tortured and they seem to be pure evil there will be some goodness inside them, wether it be saving a snail from a certain death by simply stepping over it or looking after their mother. No one is purely good and no one is purely evil. People who seem to be saints can be sinners. I know for one I am not perfect and I have done things I am not proud of, but the things we do help make us who we are now. And for that reason alone I shall never regret anything I have done or that I choose to do in the future because without it I wouldnt be who I am right now or who I may become in the future.

Hmm, I wonder if Hitler ever felt remorse or sadness for what he was doing to innocent people. Did he know that in the year 2009 that he would be considered the terrorist of his time. All because of a religion? A religion doesnt make a person, its just a part of a person, I dont get why people cant live side by side, believing what they believe. Why should someone die because he doesnt chant to a God or because he calls God by a different name? Its rediculous. Its and excuse to kill people without remorse or empathy, yet if it happened to the terrorists family they wouldnt be happy! They wouldnt rejoyce in the name of God. Sorry, I'm off track now. Getting back to the subjet matter. I wonder if Hitler had been able to look through a jewish persons eyes, would he have stopped? If he could have taken Anne Franks shoes and walked a mile, would he have empathy or sympthy but still continue on to his vision of a better Germany? The way I see it is, as long as there is power and fools who crave it, there will always be war, murder and destruction. What I cant help but wonder is, if your not enough with out it, you'll never be enough with it. Think about that for a second.

I also wonder if Mother Teresa had a bad part to her. I know she was a great women who devoted her life to helping other people. But sometimes I wonder if there was anything about her that wasnt as pure. I wonder if she saw Hitler hanging on a cliff and inch within falling to his death, would she offer him a hand? Personally I think she would have helped him. She once said; "In this life we can not do great things, we can only do small things with great love". So I find that if I smile at someone on the street, its like a link of love. A smile is something that can brighten anyones day, even if its from someone you dont know. Mother Teresa didnt preach but taught by doing. Her actions will live on and be forever remembered. She set an example. Which remind me of another saying; "People judge you by your actions not your intentions". I've thought about that alot over the past few months. So I try to do at least one good deed a day.

Leanne x