Inside my depression

Ok, so blogging again.. I am in Facebook Bingo with some brilliant ladies, and someone mentioned suicide and i know i've blogged a poem about suicide. But tonight it got me thinking. I have been depressed since i was 13. And i just had to think of these young people who feel they cant cope with life. I've thought about suicide before but I wouldnt have the guts to do it. Is that cowardly or brave? I'm not quite sure.

Maybe i could explain why ive been depressed, and still am. When i was 13 I watch my dad, who i loved, and still do. Fight his third and final battle against cancer. I could describ what it was like. But that wouldnt help much here, its more of what my dad meant to me. I was close to my dad. I could talk to him about virtually anything. We used to play football together, And i know this sounds stupid but the night he died, i went to bed earlier and didnt say goodnight to him or tell him that i love him. And i know he knows i love him. But thats something that tourtered me for so many years.

I lived alot of time in my head and i felt like i had to strong for m mum and sister. Kind of like the rock of the family. But i realised i had to deal with it. So thats what i've been trying to do. And there have been times when i've been so low that i've felt like if i was dead everyone would be better off. But i've never acted on it. So its just, these people that feel they cant cope, i understand what there going through. Sort of. But the people who have the strength to push on with life, to lift their heads up, keep fighting because you dont fail until you give up trying. And those who had to end the pain and tourment, God bless you.

Leanne x

Days like this (poem)

Its days like this it all just comes to the end
Suicide it seems has become the new trend
What ever happened to playin pretend
Because in the end somebody loses their best friend
And theres no going back once your dead its over
And there will always be someone stood saying I told ya
But you didnt listen you thought you knew what was best
And now people are crying as they lay you to rest
Your dads a broken man and your mums asking why
They never even got a chance to say good bye
Because you thought no one cared and nobody loved you
You let your thoughts decay and then they grew
But now at your funeral you know its untrue
Because these people are here mourning you
A young life lost because it was lost in translation
This is whats beginning to happen to this nation
Because we dont know how to communicate
And we dont even relaise it until its too late
But theres no going back its just a lesson learned
And in a years time the page still wont have been turned
Because no one seems to get it no one has a clue
About what these young kids are prepared to do
They need to be heard they need a listening ear
They need you to shut up so you can finally hear
All the pain in their hearts and the voices in thier heads
As they lay themselves down at night in thier beds
But the worlds to busy fighting wars with each other
When will we realise and stop killing one another
And listen to the youth because now its clear
That the truth is what we all need to hear

Leanne x