Inside my depression

Ok, so blogging again.. I am in Facebook Bingo with some brilliant ladies, and someone mentioned suicide and i know i've blogged a poem about suicide. But tonight it got me thinking. I have been depressed since i was 13. And i just had to think of these young people who feel they cant cope with life. I've thought about suicide before but I wouldnt have the guts to do it. Is that cowardly or brave? I'm not quite sure.

Maybe i could explain why ive been depressed, and still am. When i was 13 I watch my dad, who i loved, and still do. Fight his third and final battle against cancer. I could describ what it was like. But that wouldnt help much here, its more of what my dad meant to me. I was close to my dad. I could talk to him about virtually anything. We used to play football together, And i know this sounds stupid but the night he died, i went to bed earlier and didnt say goodnight to him or tell him that i love him. And i know he knows i love him. But thats something that tourtered me for so many years.

I lived alot of time in my head and i felt like i had to strong for m mum and sister. Kind of like the rock of the family. But i realised i had to deal with it. So thats what i've been trying to do. And there have been times when i've been so low that i've felt like if i was dead everyone would be better off. But i've never acted on it. So its just, these people that feel they cant cope, i understand what there going through. Sort of. But the people who have the strength to push on with life, to lift their heads up, keep fighting because you dont fail until you give up trying. And those who had to end the pain and tourment, God bless you.

Leanne x