The hardest thing about losing a friend

I just re-read a blog i wrote on the 28th November 2009 called 'Friend or Foe'. It got me thinking about that person in general. If im honest with myself I do miss her. Miss her daughter also, and her mum. And this is the reason for this blog. The hardest thing about losing a friend is re-adjusting. I mean i'm doubting myself for breaking a friendship which uptil a year ago i would have said is the best friendship ive ever had. But at the same time its a few months on and this person inparticular isnt really bothered that i am no longer around. It seems to me like i held the friendship in high regard and she thinks so little of the relationship we had that she hasnt batted an eye lid.

Am i stupid for doubting myself? More to the point am i stupid for wishing that there was something there to slavage? I like to think im a good friend but am i just a good friend in my own mind and no one elses? I mean, if i was that good of a friend wouldnt she want to be friends with me? Is that egotistical? By the way my brain just went haha testical!

Anyway like i was saying.. the thing that brought this friendship to an end was a stupid thing really. An arguement over who let who down more. I dont want to count the times when we've let each other down, it doesnt seem that important anymore. I found myself thinking of the memories and the previous arguments we had. The times reminicing over them and then laughing at how stupid we were to have argued over such trivial things in the first place. This doesnt seem like one of those times.

If fiendship was easy then the world would be boring. But in this case it ws never easy. Its like Lady gaga and beyonce once said:

Beyonce: "you know what they say Gaga, Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if its broke.."

Gaga: "but you can still see the crack in that motherf**kers reflection".

I think this blog lost the point a little. But what im basically saying is friendships either grows stronger with each argument or sometimes, no matter how strong a relationship seems it can still be shook so violently that theres nothing left to build back up from. Is this the case here? Who knows. Am I wishing and hoping one day i wont be the only one who cares that this relationship as it sits broken and damaged seemingly beyond repair.. of course.

I wanted to share a poem about friendship which i personally think is beautiful.

"A friend is like a flower,

a rose to be exact,

Or maye like a brand new gate,

that never comes unlatched.

A friend is like an owl,

both beautiful and wise.

Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,

whose spirit never dies.

A friend is like a heart that goes

strong until the end.

Where would we be in this world,

if we didnt have a friend

By Adrianne S

Love your friends while you have the chance, you never know when they wont be around anymore! I wont say sorry because the way i see it i wasnt the only one who was in the wrong, but at the same time i seem to be the only one who cares. C'est la vie!

Leanne x