Jerry Springer Script!

Another one thats really old but all the same good fun! Heres mine for you all, try it yourself if you like by clicking the link down the bottom of this post!

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Leanne is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of hers, Louise. So everyone please put your hands together for Leanne.

Jerry: Okay, now Leanne you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other persons name?

You: Mark.

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Mark, is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Leanne, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Amy !

You: What the HELL!!!

Out of nowhere you pull out a giant bunny. Amy reaches for the chair. Out of the shadows Taffie appears.

Taffie: Wait everybody wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Amy .

Amy : Because I saw Leanne and Taffie making out in the Coffee Shop!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Taffie: That's a lie! I was home watching The simpsons!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Amy ?

Amy : Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Louise who has recently become engaged to Taffie.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Louise out here because Leanne had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Mark. That's right!

Louise: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Mark! You know how I feel about Mark!.

Taffie: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Mark!

Louise: Because I knew that I could never have Mark. But Leanne promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Taffie: What about respect for MY feelings!

Amy walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Louise.

Amy : Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Taffie: Oh my God! Are you SICK!

Taffie runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.

Taffie: Leanne take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Taffie: Married?

You nod.

Taffie: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Mark.

Louise: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Mark: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 13 times if that's what you mean.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Leanne is married to Mark who Louise has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Louise has recently become engaged to Taffie who was recently spotted kissing Leanne in the Coffee Shop. Now on top of this Amy has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Louise.

Mark: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.

Link for your own scrpit: http://www.wisecat.com/fun/springer/    Enjoy it!

Leanne x

Blind Man Bob says..

Years ago a friend gave me a link to a website to see what kind of personality I had. I just found the link for it and thought I would share my "now" personality profile with you, aswel as the link to test yourself. Have fun with it.. because it isnt meant to be taken seriously! Enjoy!

My own personality profile analysis:

Your personality gives you the desire to understand and to help others but, at the same time you can become too involved in their problems and, as a result, worry too much. You desire a home and family of your own and have the ability to create understanding and harmony in family association as you are pliable, forgiving, and tactful. You love children and would not hesitate to care for any children who might need you. Whenever possible, you avoid argument and turmoil because you prefer not to face an issue if it means hurting anyone's feelings. You shrink from sordidness and poverty because you feel very deeply for anyone in unfortunate circumstances. Though you recognize your responsibilities, you are inclined to put things off until you are forced to take action. If given the opportunity, you could develop musical and artistic abilities. Your personality is a fairly healthy influence, although it does not give you as much vitality as many people have. Any tension centres in the fluid functions causing overweight, varicose veins, swelling of the legs and ankles, kidney trouble, bladder trouble, or female problems.

Go to http://www.saviodsilva.com/ads/bob/first/bob.htm   Click on the male or female and then just follow the choices!

Leanne x

Baby Boom!

I realise I havent blogged propperly for a while so here it is. I dont really have much to blog about. My lifes been pretty boring... Over the last few weeks I've been recovering for a bad back and hip. Short story cut even shorter is that I did it carrying heavy boxes up and down stairs for a day and my back gave way. So other than that I havent been up to much. I tried that online shopping thing though. You know grocerie shopping. Quite good I must admit.

So future news.. the number of god children i have will be going up by two before this year is out. My bestfriend Kylie is having her second baby, due on the 31st December, (ok I know it might arrive after new years but heres fingers crossed). And my sister Adele is having her second baby too. Shes due on the 23rd of December. Congrats Kaz, Del n Craig. Alot of people seem to be pregnant at the moment, I know of at least 10 people who are. Must be something in the water? Note to self: Dont drink the water.

Anyway, thats all I've really got to say! Nothing much else has been happening! Pretty boring life when your injured! So, that leaves me to say that if you to are "expecting" then congratulations. If your trying then good luck. If kids arent your thing right on! Heehee! Take care!

Leanne x

22 Fun Things To Do In A Lift!

I dare you, (yes you! Who ever you may be!), to try these out and tell me your story of it! Hehe!

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering; "Shut up! Dammit! All of you just shut up!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of 'Its a small world' incessantly

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask; "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the lift. Wear yours upside down

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off!

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the lift with a warm handshake and ask them to call you 'Admiral'

8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that i stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom

9. Stare, grinning, at the other passengers for a while and then announce; "I've got new socks on!"

10. Meow occasionally

11. Bet the other passengers you can fit a five pence piece in your nose

12. Walk on with a cooler that says; 'Human Head' on the side

13. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce; "You're one of them!". And then move to the far corner of the lift

14. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

15. When the lift is silent, look around and ask; "Is that your beeper?"

16. Say; "Ding!" at each floor

17. Say; "I wonder what these do" and push all the buttons

18. Listen to the lift walls with a stethoscope

19. Draw a little square on the floor in chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'Personal space'

20. Announce in a demonic voice; "I must find a more suitable host body."

21. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button

22. Wear 'x-ray specs' and lear suggestively at other passengers.

If you do try any of these out. Let me know, I'd love to know the out come.. Oh maybe video it and youtube?? Hehe have fun!

Leanne x

Men are like...

Men are like... Place mats... They only show up when theres food on the table

Men are like... Mascara... They run at the first sight of emotion

Men are like... Bike Helmets... Handy in an emergancy but otherwise look silly

Men are like... Parking Spaces... All the good ones are taken, the rest are taken

Men are like... Photocopiers... You need them for reproduction but thats it

Men are like... Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not at all bright

Men are like... Bank Accounts... Without alot of money, they dont generate much interest

Men are like... High Heels... They are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it

Men are like... Curling Irons... They are always hot, and always in your hair

Men are like... Mini Skirts... If your not careful, they'll creep up your legs

Men are like... Bananas... The older they get the less firm they are

Men are like... Coffee... The best ones are Rich, Warm, Full bodied and can keep you up all night long

Men are like... Chocolate Bars... Sweet, Smooth and they usually go straight to your hips

Men are like... Blenders... You need one but your not quite sure why

Men are like... Coolers... Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere

Men are like... Government Bonds... They take so long to mature

Men are like... Horoscopes... They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong

Men are like... Laxatives... They irritate the shit out of you

Men are like... Noodles... Always in hot water, lack taste and need dough

Men are like... Plungers... Spend most of their lives in hardware stores or the bathroom

Men are like... Popcorn... They satisfy you but only for a little while

Men are like... Used Cars... Both are easy to get, cheap and prove to be unreliable

Men are like... The Weather... Nothing can be done to change it

Hope you enjoyed it!

Leanne x